There is more to life than just good or evil. There is much in between. There isn't just angels and demons nor spirits or just ghosts. Nor just birth and death. There is so much more in between what we are taught as black and white. People are not born evil. They are not born liars, cheaters, users, abusers or thieves. It is their environment that makes them this way. It is their surroundings, the people they associate with, their parents, their friends and the things they see, hear and watch that shape and form them to the way they are today. It always starts somewhere. Yet it is my vision that brings me to this article today, and in today's article I want to talk about the fact that there are reasons behind everything that happens and sure. Blaming someone else for our life going wrong may be easy, I see people doing it all the time. Yet sometimes we have to look inside of ourselves because often times that is where some of our biggest issues start.
I firmly believe that we are who we want to be simply because we all have choices that we make on a daily basis. We can choose to tell that one little white lie and think nothing of it. Yet a lie is a lie - and believe it or not it will catch up with you. As most of my readers may already know, I was separated from my biological brother and sister back when I was but a small child. We were all subject to abuse, torment, neglect - and we all became who we had to be through that process: strong. Since being an adult I have reached out to both my brother and sister, both resulted in being a mistake. It's been a hard lesson, most of it ending just this past week. My brother being the oldest of us three I am sure got the blunt force of the abuse. He can remember the most of it, and it shows. He is so emotionally cut off even to me. He would rather make up excuses why he doesn't have time to get to know me other than just get to know me. When I said something about it to him, I was called names and told very abusive things. It's clear his intention is to control, not have his brother back so I made the choice to block him out of my life this past week. Family or not, nobody deserves to go through abuse.
Then comes my biological sister who once was my very best friend in the world. We would cry when we were apart - each one of us having the gift of 'sight' but she has closed herself off to it. I tried to reach out to her a couple of years ago but she was all about money and the things I could send her. That wasn't love so I put it off a few years hoping she would change. This past year I reached out to her again and nothing had changed. At first she wanted to get to know me and things like that, yet it soon became clear she only wanted me to send her money, buy her a TV, pay for her groceries and that is all it became. This past week I also made the choice to block her too. I know that just blocking out your problems is never the answer, yet in my case with over 20 years of trying without change it just isn't worth it.
This is why in the beginning of this article I said that nothing is just black and white. Yes, my sister is the way she is but I have to look at why she is that way. I know better than anyone the torture we went through as kids being abandoned in an apartment by our mother, then put through countless foster homes and orphanages. I know the pain of loss and how it changes you. She is in survival mode and as much as it hurts me to do what I did, I have to think about myself too. When someone is only being used for money or for what they can give then it isn't a problem in my eyes just blocking them out. Making them see you are worth more than just what you have to give. Whether it is family or not, you have to find a way to stick up for yourself.
Sure, saying no isn't easy when you care about someone. Blocking someone out isn't any easier. I found myself between two difficult choices. Either continue allowing the abuse, or standing up for myself and putting a stop to it. I know every family has their problems. It seems more and more my husbands family only talks to him when there is something to be gained as well. The moment other family that doesn't like us comes into town we are but ghosts until it's convenient. Stand up for you, stand up for what you believe in. It's true everyone is the way they are for a reason and most people refuse to be changed. When you can look around you and be proud of what you've built, proud of what you've succeeded in and proud of those you surround yourself with then you know you've made it. I always say quality is better than quantity in regards to friends or family. Just because you are biologically related doesn't mean you have to be family and the same applies to the opposite. Just because you aren't biological doesn't mean you can't be family.
The purest freedom in life comes from working hard for what you believe in, standing up for yourself and most importantly not being afraid to ban toxic people from your life in all shapes and varieties. There are billions of people on earth so don't allow that handful of negative people weigh you down. Block buttons exist for a reason, and so do friend requests. Out with the old, in with the new and all the sudden tomorrow is a brighter day. Stand up for yourself because I can promise you are worth it and you will have support in the most unlikely places.