Love is never a wrong thing and we can't ever help who we fall in love with. Same goes for trust. Sometimes we allow ourselves to blindly trust in a situation or a person without reason to. We take a risk and sometimes it pays off, while other times it completely backfires on us. We have to realize that everything happens for a reason and sure, we may get hurt in the process yet there is a bigger design going on in the Universe. Even the bad things are happening for a purpose, and that purpose is to steer us to the path we are supposed to be on. In today's article I'm not going my normal routine of giving signs you're psychic, or signs you're cursed or anything like that. It is my goal with today's post to explain bad things happen to all of us. We all get hurt and when that happens we have to know how to get back up, to keep pushing through.
It happened to me a few weeks ago, my trust for someone was betrayed yet first, I have to go back a little further so it makes sense to you. As my regular readers know, I was adopted when I was 8 years old, having gone through six years of foster homes and orphanages. I have a biological brother and sister, both of which I lost when I was a young child, I lost them to the foster care system. We all were adopted out into different homes. After about 18 years from being away from them both, I decided to track them down. The family I was adopted into were a Mormon family and let's just say my childhood was tough to say the least.
Anyhow, I was able to track down my brother and my sister. We were in contact on and off and back in August I allowed my sister to move in with me. We had plans to give her this house because we had bought a new one, that way she can have her security and wouldn't ever have to worry. I trusted her and good memories of our childhood would come flooding back to me. We were best friends, inseparable and by most accounts we were twins. We could read each other's mind, when we were separated it was pain like no other. In my mind, when I saw my sister I would see the sister I once had as a child. My original best friend, and I wasn't willing to allow myself to realize that people change. That neither one of us are the person we once were. I am married now, she has a fiance and we couldn't be as close as we once were. Life had moved on and I didn't realize that trust can't be given so blindly.
So as the days went on after my sister moving in with my husband and I, the drinking started getting heavier. It started to interfere with my career and with my marriage. I started to feel uncomfortable and come to find out, there was a reason for it. My husband came to let me know that when I would walk out of the room, things were said about me, when they would go to the store together, things were said about me and it came down to me and my husband being played against each other. This is my sister. She's had a rough life, we all have and I understand the need to try to have someone on your side, you feel less alone. Yet when you play spouses against each other it becomes a problem. Other things happened as well, let's just say it became a toxic environment.
My sister no longer lives with my husband and I, the energy has balanced back out, there has been zero drinking or problems. My career has stabilized again and life goes on. Yet the thing I am trying to get across here is you can't trust so blindly. When you are betrayed by someone you are supposed to be able to trust, can that ever be rebuilt? My answer is it varies from situation to situation really. After so many years of not seeing my sister - at least ten to say the least - I expected us to pick back up and be best friends again. First chance she had to leave, she left and we to this day disagree as to why but that isn't something I'm worried about. Family is family and nobody can change that. Yet just because they are family doesn't mean you have to put up with lies, fakeness or any of the above.
You don't have to be blood to be family. We can choose who we see as family. When you are betrayed, you have to first try not to overreact. I made the mistake of letting my emotions get the best of me and I did overreact. When she didn't come back from visiting her fiance on the train, I had her stuff packed up and shipped off real quick. I don't mess around with these types of things, I've learned to cut people off really quickly and I know that's not healthy. It comes from a lifetime of being bounced around home to home, people abandoning all the time. It becomes easy to just cut that cord and move on for me. The way I handle betrayal is I look at the situation, and I focus on the fact everything happens for a reason, then I do my best just to let it go.
Being betrayed doesn't mean that you did something wrong. Blaming yourself isn't going to do you any good. What does the good is knowing what to do when you are betrayed. First think about whether or not you can ever trust the person again. If you even have a question about it, then it's not going to work. If you can immediately say yes then I would say give it another shot. I've always found that if someone is going to lie or betray you once, they will do it again. I normally don't just give out my trust like it's nothing yet in this situation I looked past it. It just goes to show you that you have to be careful who you trust, family or not. In my situation, I've decided to just focus on my husband and our life. What's meant to be always will be so just be cautious. Be careful who you give your trust to. Betrayal happens to everyone at least once in their life so when it happens, rise back up and push forward.
If you are needing someone to talk to, I'll always be here for you so know you aren't alone. Life can be a lot to handle, rise up from the falls. You'll get through this.
Written by Demetri Welsh of the RVP Platform.